The Weekend Leader - Luv's an enigma

'How long will it last' is one of the things women want to know

Juhi Pande


Vol 5 | Issue 6

Love is in the air. Really. Just look around you – the signs are all there. The roses have that richer red hue, the stuffed animals are so much cuter, the chocolates are sweeter, the love notes are more heartfelt and romantic…

Yes, it’s that time of the year again, when couples go into a tizzy trying to outdo each other to prove their ‘eternal devotion’ to each other. With the Hallmark Holiday of Valentine’s Day just round the corner, here’s a look at what women wished they knew about love.

Juhi Pande's 'Things Your Mother Never Told You About Love' makes an attempt to define love(Photos: WFS)

In this excerpt from Things Your Mother Never Told You About Love, a witty advice book on relationships and life, published by Random House (2014), VJ-turned-author Juhi Pande find out what women wished they knew about love.

After gathering 46 different reactions from women of all ages and walks of life she comes to the conclusion that if love isn’t an obsession then what it?

To make my life easier, mostly because I am a lazy bastard, I decided to ask some women I know the one thing they wished they knew about love.

Some took a while to think about this, whereas some knew exactly what it was.

Here are their answers:

* ‘I wish I know how to stay away from it, or at least keep it in check. I suppose a sense of control over the emotion would be great.’

* ‘What is the intensity of love? Can one ever know?’

* ‘How honest is one’s love? Is there even a measure; rather is there a need for measure?’

* ‘I wish I had known how deeply I could love.’

* ‘I wish I knew how not to be an obsessive, unbiased “my boyfriend can do no wrong” lover-struck idiot.’

* ‘How never to get bored of that person. That’s massive. I mean, dude, how do you always stay in that level of love?’

* ‘I wish I knew why people think you can change someone because you love them. If you don’t respect that person, you can’t love them.’

* ‘I wish I knew that love is reminder of what I already know. I wish I could tell my younger self that by looking for love, I will not necessarily find happiness.’

* ‘In any relationship, if you aren’t happy with the person that you are, then the whole relationship/the couple that you become, will not be happy.’

* ‘What is love? Baby don’t hurt me, don’t hurt me, no more.’

* ‘I wish someone had told me that love never ever leaves.’

* ‘There are shades of love, each as intense and lasting as the other.’

* ‘I wish I knew how to balance head and heart.’

* ‘That it goes beyond two people. The idea of “oneness”, real actual oneness blows my mind.’

* ‘The different levels or definitions of love fascinate me. You’ve been with someone for years and you can’t fall asleep at night without using his arm as a pillow. That comfort level is love. Then there is another case where you’ve just met someone. They barely know each other but can’t get enough of each other. That’s love too. How do you know which one is the real deal? It’s convoluted and dumb question.’

* ‘I wish I knew that love isn’t enough and that love fades away.’

* ‘Why is it impossible to love someone just as much as we loved someone else the first time around?’

* ‘How is it that love can bring out both the best and worst in someone at the same time?’

* ‘That it could be everything you never wanted.’

* ‘That it is an alien that controls all you life decisions subconsciously.’

* ‘I don’t even know what love is. Unless you mean my relationship with wine.’

* ‘I wish I knew how long you can stay in love with the same man (not only love him but to stay in love with him).’

* ‘How to make someone love you back.’

* ‘Once you have it, how can you be sure this is the one, that you should compromise and stop right there?’

* ‘Once the love has left the building, how do you get over the person quickly and permanently?’

* ‘Why is it so complicated and why does it come so easy?’

* ‘That the joy you feel when you’re in it and the pain you feel when it’s gone are equally transient. So both should be taken with a pinch of salt.’

* ‘That it’s more about the head than the heart.’

* ‘I wouldn’t want to know anything. The whole point of falling in love is discovering the person and realizing why you want to love him/her. To learn new things about them and fall more in love because of it!’

* ‘I’d say that love isn’t anything without trust. Just because you love someone doesn’t necessarily mean you can trust them! The amount of love you give has to be proportionate to trust. Because otherwise you just end up hurting yourself.’

* ‘Can you love only one person for your entire life?’

* ‘Can the person you’re in love with satisfy every need that you have from a relationship?’

* ‘That you can feel it as deeply for your friend or family as for your partner since it manifests itself so beautifully as you grow up.’

* ‘I wish that I knew that it was conditional.’

* ‘I wish I had been told how difficult it can be.’

* ‘I wish I knew how to get it right.’

* ‘I wish I knew how love can make me feel all emotions for this one person! Love (obviously), anger (when he acts like an arsehole), jealousy (when he throws a tantrum like a child I wish I could act the same), hatred to a certain degree when he acts like an arsehole raised to the power on n), joy, satisfaction, pride, attraction, desire, alarm! I could go on and on.’

* ‘I wish I knew what it is about love that makes one fall in love.’

* ‘I wish I knew why people would compromise on it for material things. It just doesn’t add up.’

* ‘I wish there was a single universal definition of it, because more often than not, people have skewed opinions of what they have and enough reason to believe that it’s true love, when perhaps they have no idea of what true love really is, and the ignorant fools leave no room to accommodate for the possibility of them having made a bad judgment call.’

* ‘How long would it last?’ …

Maybe the point of this entire exercise was for me (and you) to see that not all questions about love are answered, that people around you wonder about the same things that you do, and that at the end of the day all we’re trying to do is make love simple. Some of us are lucky enough to figure it out, while others take their time.

I’m going to maintain that love is strange. And strange can be poetic. - Women's Feature Service



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